An exercise

3,462 miles,

15 days,

Two 90 minutes traffic jams,

one eye infection,

 two first bee stings,

one day of extreme hormonal homesickness,

and...a lot of other details later..

I'm home for good! (or at least until November for the next training date!)

It feels wonderful to return to normalcy as I know it.

I have much sorting and organizing to do what with all of the material I have been fed for the past 3 weeks.

Much of it will live in me whether I know it or not..

In fact, we've been urged to "forget everything" and "just" let it..become.

I have a lot to sift through and I'll reflect in this space over the next few weeks.

Most, if not all, of the coursework is revolved around the inner work and growth of the teacher, so much reflection is needed!

During one of our classes, we were presented with a large table full of art postcards. We were to each chose two. One to represent where we are in this journey to becoming a Waldorf teacher right now...and the other to represent where we hope to be by the end. This was hard!

I chose the above photo to represent where I find/see myself at this time. I saw the woman in this photo as somewhat charmed by the children who are flanking her; hovering so close to her....looking for her attention, touching her...she is sentimental, and somewhat overwhelmed. She is the focus of this photo.

None of these attributes are negative, but I'm looking for change. I'm looking to be in the foreground, to be more quiet and "inside", to know the children truly as incarnating beings who are coming into their physical bodies....to see their actions, gestures, reactions, emotions as truly "true", purposeful and telling...I think I am on my way, but this takes work.

I chose the above photo as where I'd hope to be in 3 years at the conclusion of the training (but not really the end at all, as a teacher's path to self discovery is never ceasing!!)

The woman in this photo is so much more present. She is with the children. Her gaze is still, silent, and confident. Her touch is firm and real and just enough. She's not looking for hugs, kisses, and assurance that the children are loving who she is and what she is doing. She just is.

This exercise gave me a lot to think about as far as my personal development and everything that I bring with me to this program as a student....

The following poem read at commencement for the class preceding us made such pure and good sense to me...

Messenger

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird —
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.


~ Mary Oliver ~

 My last day of class was just right, I think.

A new friend and I stayed after and sat down by the creek and spoke about ourselves, our time, our lives and loves. It was a good ending.

I returned home for good to see my favorite boys hard at work, as always..

It is most surely Summer. The air is heavy and full. Air conditioners blast cold in my face. Flowers bloom and our pumpkins are making their way out of the garden and across our lawn. Every lawn is dotted white with clover and bees are lulling about dutifully.

more later..