For the birds..

We celebrated Valentine's Day this past Friday with the playschool children....I decorated the night before, hanging up a frilly vintage pink garland I found at a garage sale, some strung heart doilies, and a few crocheted hearts made by my dear friend. That's about it as I just wasn't feeling too excited or inspired by this festival. Anyone else?

We mixed up batches of birdseed and gelatin to create these sweet little birdcakes. We used heart shaped cookie cutters to turn them into Valentine's for the birds. They surely deserve a treat, too!

Speaking of a treat, Jay and I will celebrate Valentine's Day at some point this month at one of our favorite local spots, The Bookstore. I love the ambiance as it really is set up like a speakeasy bar...complete with 1930's music, decor, and gin drinks:)

I thank all of you for your well wishes and advice regarding my recent struggles...I do feel a few things need clarification, though...
*The way I wrote about how I feel when W hits me was misleading....I don't think hitting or any other act of physical aggression towards myself or anyone else should be tolerated. If it's in a moment of arms flailing everywhere in frustration, that's different. But if it's intended...such as, you (a young child) look at me and hit me, that's another story. I do put W down every time this happens and I walk away. "Our hands are not for hitting" in an even voice is my stock response. However, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" so I attempt to catch his hands before he hits in the first place. Again, "our hands are not for hitting" or "you just hit me" are my go-to responses. I've also had issues with W hitting other playschool friends, which is challenging, of course. My response to this stems from understanding that young children are constantly imitating the adults who surround them: I use my verbal response (again) "You just hit __________" and "Our hands are not for hitting"...The child who has been struck receives a hug from me. They might also receive an ice pack which has been brought by another friend or some lavender salve to rub on the "boo-boo." W almost always picks up on the emotion and activity and often brings over a tissue to the child, as he assumes the child is sad and therefore crying. He ducks down very close to their face and asks, "Are you ok?" or "all better?" To me, this is the slow progress that I feel is healthy for everyone involved. No one is sent to "time out" (which I feel strongly about, especially for very young children under 3) and everyone's dignity is honored. Of course, there comes a time when other measures may be taken, such as when a child is older, but for 2.5 year old, I am confident with how I handle these situations. That's not to say that I sometimes don't question if they're working, just like nearly everything else in life. I try very hard not to use negative statements or to yell. I don't think this is a sign of weakness on my part or that I'm a "softie". I just believe in discipline that is respectful to everyone involved-- including myself. I feel best when I use the tactics I described above and I believe that the patience and time invested will pay off.
A reader had mentioned boundaries in the comments section and I must express that there are certainly boundaries here and they are followed through each and every time.

"....we must provide appropriate boundaries for the child. When we give direction to the child or make requests of the child, or say that we are going to do something, we must be clear in our thinking, phrase our request in the positive, then stay with the direction and be consistent. If we reverse direction, we
damage the child, we cause nervousness and insecurity. Parents and teaches who are constantly inconsistent, do not allow the child to meet the realities of existence. The child is then educated for a life which does not exist, becomes weak, and is at the mercy of its surroundings and of other people."

-Dorothy Olson

More about young children and conflicts here.

photos from the week..

 

I hope I didn't sound too defensive; I'm not feeling the need at all. I just wanted to clarify some of the discipline measures I use. While I believe they are working well for us, they may not suit every family or situation, of course.

Please feel free to share any discipline techniques which have worked for you!